Over a year ago, I wrote about my feelings on seasons.
"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance... a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time of war, and a time of peace... He hath made everything beautiful in his time..." - Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
Sometimes I wonder when my life will start, other times I wonder when it will slow down. At this point, seasons seem to change every day for every person. I've had two of my best friends get married in the last year, and I've seen a whole new set of friends starting to leave on missions. I'm a junior in college, and I still feel like I have forever to go before I make any kind of major life decision... and then I realize it's coming to an end sooner than I think. There is this constant pull between too fast and not fast enough. Choices that need to be made and not feeling ready to make them.
There is a time for everything, and for everyone. I have another several months before I put in my mission papers, and sometimes I even wonder if that is still the right path for me to take. As I'm nearing my senior year I have to start thinking seriously about what my next step will be. I need to consider a real grown up career path and take the steps in order to get there. There are millions of paths ahead of me and it seems like life is passing too quickly and I'm not ready for all that is required of me. Then again, sometimes I wish this semester would finish, that all my friends would start coming home, that it was summer again, and that I could just move past where I am right now. What with all this confusion, I'm not exactly sure what I want.
Thankfully, I can take great comfort in knowing that at least my Heavenly Father has it all figured out for me. He knows my strengths and he knows my fears, and when it comes to these moments in my life, he understands me and comforts me. Neal A. Maxwell said "Faith in God includes faith in his timing". Sometimes I want to rush things, and sometimes I want it all to slow down... but what I really need to realize is that I am where I am for a reason... and if I'm too preoccupied with concerns of the future, I'll miss out on the opportunities that I'll only have in this season of my life.
What is this season exactly? Its a time to fail and a time to fail again. It's a time to grow and a time to question; It's a time to weep and a time to laugh; It's a time in my life where I'm discovering more about myself and where I want to wander. So here is to being here. Here is to enjoying every moment of my season. Here is to taking opportunities and growing a little taller each day. As I look forward to the future, I don't want to forget the beauty in these moments.